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The Prosecution: Beth

Sometimes I'm recorded while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, she, calls herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it strains our relationship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to record everything all the time. When we eat out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when strangers see her posing or filming – I get secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She creates video blogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. On occasion I'm captured while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram later, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I’ll have no makeup on, making a strange expression or photographed mid-bite. It feels invasive.

She also anticipates that I will to film her at inconvenient times. Often I'm in conversation to someone else, or we're simply hanging out in the street. I feel like our bond has transformed into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my discomfort about this arrangement, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to several brand events, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I spend helping her make content.

I’m grateful that Marielle has supported me with my career in design, but I don’t want our friendship to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don't believe she's insincere or inauthentic, but at times it seems that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with someone. It’s so silly. I need her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I enjoy being with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, altered, or shared for an viewers. I’m not a prop for her online persona.

The Other Side: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the content we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I love creating videos. It’s not just a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online enables me to express myself and connect with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your passions. I look up to people on TikTok who execute that aesthetic of casual, DIY film-making.

Creating content is my version of living actively: observing the details, posting them with an viewership that appreciates the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my way of sharing opportunities, giving her a opportunity to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could help her career in design too. That isn't leverage, it's simply being realistic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see the benefits the work we create together can achieve: a foot in the door. I understand not all people likes being on camera, but often unplanned moments is what makes material genuine. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I would delete anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my personal filmmaker, but companions support one another in minor capacities. I thought recording a short video now and then would be fun for her. Innovation flourishes in partnership, and having Beth around makes endeavors energetic and pleasurable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I would never intentionally embarrass her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I value our friendship deeply and don’t want making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like asking before filming, and steering clear of angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about control, it’s about sharing my world while still considering hers. Obviously content creation is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I live my life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and Beth when they are out together?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a friend point a camera at you. I understand that it's her passion, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. With the dark, looming future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance every time, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys creating, that doesn’t mean all those around her is content. She needs to respect her friend's privacy.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and displaying her life publicly, but it isn't for everybody. It’s nice she has assisted Beth’s career, but she must to hear what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some authentic memories, where true emotions are preserved, not online archives. In fact, celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she's on the job. Both seem unsure as to where the line is. The answer is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined limits around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable compromise.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been over-exposing their bond?